Musings on Mormon-dom

Hey y'all so I've been doing my homework... quite literally and I want to share with you all what this blog is gradually aiming towards, but first here is my hello to you for this week:

Not that this accurately describes the Mormon Church at all, but it does introduce today's topic...with MUSIC! Somehow music always makes it work better, think Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer

Warning: this article may contain some opinions; parental guidance suggested for audiences under the age of...well I don't know if there is an appropriate age for being able to have a mature discussion where you can agree to disagree (what a concept).

Anywho, if you've read my first post you'll remember that in addition to being gay I used to be Mormon (yes that was past tense).

But first I want to let you in on a little secret: before this blog I knew so little about gay people and more than that, believed I was one of maybe ten people that went through what I did before I decided to leave Mormonism.

I am such a bad gay: I don't have many gay friends and I avoid campus LGBT support groups like white after Labor Day. I never took time to read what's going on politically and socially...until now. In the last month, while researching the intersection of homosexuality and religion, I am stunned at the amount of resources out there for what I thought to be a narrow demographic.

So keeping in mind that I was Mormon and I am not anymore probably trips those bias detectors of yours, but hey it's a blog, take it or leave it:

See the message hits home when it's sung...remember you don't have to agree, you just have to pay attention!

I decided to leave because I couldn't stand being in Church (for three hours...) every week worrying that someone would find out, being told that I was going to hell, feeling constantly out of place. I definitely wouldn't recommend it...But as I said I have just started a research project on this very topic as the media devotes more attention to Mormons with Prop 8, Mitt Romney, and yes the 9-time Tony Award winning musical: The Book of Mormon (shown at the start of the post)

Though this may sound counter intuitive, bear with me: Being Mormon and being gay are like the same side of a magnet, you can push them together, but it is not advised. In theory Mormons and gays are opposites, but the old adage does not apply, opposites most definitely do not attract.

This doesn't mean one is right and one is wrong. I bear so much no ill will toward the Mormon community. Here is a video that I found in my exploration that I whole-heartedly agree with, there is no anger just a recognition of the fork in the road between these ideas.

But what I really want everyone to see is focal point for my research paper:

I give them sooooo many brownie points for trying, but if we're watching the same video then odds are you are more depressed than before the video started...This is the opposite of what the It Gets Better Campaign was going for.

This leaves us with limited options:

1. Stay in Church and stop being gay
2. Stay in Church and lie about being gay
3. Leaving the church...

None of these options sound appealing, but for now that's where we are.

This isn't to attack the Church I belonged to for 18 years, as Nick says in the Far Between video the Mormons teach principles that any decent person would strive for, they just need to catch up in this one issue (maybe a few others)...I will talk more about the last video next time, but let's try something new: why don't you watch and tell me what you think first and then I'll respond. 

But I've probably exceeded my generation's ever dwindling attention span so for now I will say adieu!

The Slow March Towards Equality...Led by Justin Bartha

    Today begins with a big huge shoutout to Justin Bartha!

And it's not just because he's cute! I know…some of you are thinking wait he's not gay what does the National Treasure, Hangover star have to do with this blog?!

The answer: He is on NBC's The New Normal a show that finally focuses (not features) on a gay couple and the target audience isn't only gay people, who'da thunk. I have seen all three episodes of this first season and have been impressed with this show's casual attitude towards things like the ever so complicated on-screen gay kiss. In fact there have been three episodes and they have kissed at least three times. Now I also want to mention that I am not always a fan of Ryan Murphy's blatant use of stereotype and overdramatization (See Glee Season…well I guess every episode can be used as evidence in my case), but this show is proving to be a must watch, I def (def adv: abbreviation for definitely meaning it is certain) recommend it.

Anyway shows like this are starting those conversations. When Bristol Palin (at this point nothing can explain this family and what their issues are) accused President Obama of watching too much Glee after he made a public statement supporting the gay community, I thought first of all that's false, and second who cares. These shows did not put ideas into the mind of one of the most powerful men in the world, they simply gave exposure to the issues and whether it was a political strategy or not he took a brave risk in coming out as an ally to gay people.

These shows (no matter how stereotypical and inaccurate) are at least giving some air time to gay characters and as each generation grows more allergic to books and reading media is a powerful tool for brainwashing young people progress.

Anywho back to the kissing…it took Glee 38 Episodes to put a gay kiss in so already The New Normal is sending a clear message…IT'S NORMAL, so stop freaking out about it!

This is again why I love Justin Bartha, you gotta love a guy who is comfortable enough with himself to kiss another dude in front of the American public, which still produces people like the aforementioned Bristol, a pillar of moral strength with a teenage pregnancy and, if The Onion is to be believed a mother who has undergone at least 15 abortions…yikes! (just in case y'all don't know The Onion is completely fake! So the abortions were a joke, but Bristol has actually earned a spot on Teen Moms).

But you see what I'm saying media holds the key to public opinion and I'm proud to see networks stepping it up with shows like:

Girls
    1.    Glee
    2.    The New Normal
    3.    Modern Family
    4.    Partners
    5.    Glee
    6.    Grey's Anatomy (My favorite show!)
    7.    Nurse Jackie
    8.    Happy Endings
    9.    Smash
    10.    Revenge (my favorite show when Grey's Anatomy ends…sad day)
    11.    American Horror Story
    12.    Game of Thrones
    13.    Downtown Abbey
    14.    Pretty Little Liars
    15.    The Vampire Diaries
    16.    The Good Wife
    17.    White Collar
    18.    The Secret Life of the American Teenager
    19.    True Blood
    20.    Damages
    21.    Mad Men
    22.    Gossip Girl
    23.    Bones
    24.    House
    25.    Degrassi: The Next Generation (Sorry not sorry)

P.S.     There are obviously more but it takes up too much space and I thought it would be cheating if I listed all of them

P.P.S.    This list is again from the site that keeps on giving, that gift to students everywhere: wikipedia

The general trend in media has shown increased visibility and acceptance for the gay community and I hope that this leads to acceptance in the real world as people shed their fears of what they may not understand.

Tune into the New Normal everyone, and you rock Justin Bartha! (Can I get paid for all the advertising I'm doing for the show?!)

"Marriage is What Brings Us Together Today"

Today's fun fact is brought to you by 'Merica 'Home of the Brave':

 

Here's the deal guys: I'm a dork, I. Love. America. I am taking a class on American literature and we are reading the Declaration of Independence and Thomas Paine's Common Sense and it makes me want to jump in the DeLorean and go back to 1776. Or maybe I can just watch National Treasure!

People wrote better, they thought better, they cared more…THEY DIDN'T HAVE FACEBOOK.
But then I realize I would have been almost two centuries too early for the civil rights movement and I guess we're still waiting for the gay rights movement to complete its long journey towards equality. Make no mistake Lady Gaga has single-handedly blazed a trail 10 steps beyond where we were before a certain little diddy: Born This Way. But legally we are not anywhere the equality that is supposed to be…what was it?…oh yeah…an 'unalienable right.'

But (according to wikipedia) only 6 out of the 50 states in the US recognize gay marriages (isn't it comforting to know that we're already only 12% there!) The funny thing is 5 out of those states were in those thirteen original colonies that created America in the first place (I'm counting Vermont because it was part of New York back then). The Puritans and Quakers have even progressed faster than the rest of the country it seems. This country was founded on religious principles starting back to Plymouth Rock (and let's face it they haven't always got along with the gays).

Still states like California, which doesn't have the same ties to strict religion as its New England counterparts, and is home to San Francisco AND Los Angeles (holla West Hollywood!), can't keep the definition of marriage to include same-sex couples longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage.

 

 So today I wanna focus on legal issues. (I told you the Founding Fathers wrote better back then)

First a history of Prop 8 Since California is currently holding its breath for the Supreme Court's Decision
    •    In 2000 it was Prop 22 that sealed the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman.
    •    Then in May 2008 it was declared unconstitutional by the California Supreme Court
    •    Not to be outdone the new Prop 8 was put on the ballot that same year and whataya know it was passed again in November, giving only a six month window of equality til the door was once again shut.
    •    Then Judge Walker overturned it in 2010!…But a stay was ordered. (yeah I don't know what that means either. Basically: they have been passed the case around until it reached the US Supreme Court)
    •    The US Supreme Court is scheduled to discuss it at their conference on September 24, just 10 days away!!!

The whole gay community is holding its breath waiting to hear if the struggle to love who they want is over. It is so much more anticipated because of that brief moment of sheer joy when we thought the long wait was over in California. I remember when Prop 8 was declared unconstitutional I think I put some facebook status to the effect of:
  
    "Now that we can, somebody marry me!"

*you'll have noticed by now my affinity to exclamation marks!)

I naively thought that because something is declared unconstitutional it can't possibly be a law…I expected the immediate rush of the crowd to the nearest chapel doors for all gay couples ready to take that next step in their relationship. So…since that wasn't the case and still isn't the case I will be waiting with thousands of others to see if this time they can get it right.

The gay community is not trying to destroy the sacred institution of marriage, only join it. They're not trying to force everyone out and get exclusive rights to marriage, we just want to join the party. Share the love!

Well This is Awkward

So I started out with a joke last time, but the truth is I'm not that good with jokes…(sorry, not sorry) so this time I'm just gonna tell you a story how's that?

I lived on an all male floor my freshman year in college and I made a firm decision: I wouldn't announce my sexuality to my floor mates on my own, however if any of them asked I decided I would tell the truth. It's college I wanted to finally become the person I wanted to be, gayness and all...problem! No one ever asked me…

Today I wanted to focus on social situations and how to handle them, cause clearly that was a fail.

Though I'm sure they noticed my higher-than-is-normal-for-a-guy voice, my love of both Julia Roberts and Kelly Clarkson, they never said anything and neither did I. It wasn't until the day before we all moved out for summer that somebody asked…

Here's the thing: that's when they told me they had been wondering all year long if I was gay or not.

So here is the question: If gay people don't feel comfortable announcing their sexuality like it's their favorite color, and straight people are too uncomfortable to ask, then how do you bring it up in casual conversation?

Let's examine both points of view:

1. The Gay
Let's assume they are comfortable with their sexuality and have started the coming out process, their friends know and everything's cool. Then they go to a new place, which means new people that don't know you…the proverbial square one. Now I have to find some way to bring it up, but I don't want to be 'the gay guy' I have many other interesting qualities (you haven't met me so I guess you're gonna have to take my word for it). This is where labels and stereotypes get tricky. Yeah I'm gay, but my favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada and I don't drink coffee (that's the ex-mormon side coming out) don't you want to know all of that too? That is exactly why I don't wear a stamp on my forehead or greet everyone with "Hey nice to meet you. I'm gay. What's up with you?"

2. The Straight
They arrive at college living on a floor with a bunch of other dudes from all over and they meet someone who is a little different. Their voice is not as deep as everyone else's, they walk with a little more swing in the hips, and to top it off they have a shrine to Beyonce' in their dorm room. Picking up on these queues they have gone ahead and labeled them as gay…But how to proceed? You can't just ask someone if they're gay. What if they're not? What if they're in the closet? It's not politically correct to blurt something like that out? What if? What if? What if?…

This is a situation I clearly have not mastered, but I want to know if any of y'all have been on either side of this awkward situation. It unfortunately shows that as comfortable with yourself as you can be and as open to other people's sexuality as people can be there is still a taboo or apprehension with being gay or the subject of homosexuality.

Here is the dilemma:
The gay person has the right to self-disclose because it is such a personal issue. So does this mean that the other person should wait until they are told?

However it is the other person who is going to react to the news in some way, which puts pressure on the person who is gay. So is it the other person's job to make the person feel comfortable about saying anything in the first place?

So I throw it back to you all how are gay people supposed to be themselves socially and publicly without announcing it to the world? and should straight people feel uncomfortable just asking? Whose responsibility is it to start these conversations so that a year doesn't go by without really getting to know someone? Is being politically correct even helpful if we are afraid to talk about these things?

The Anti-Stereotypical Me or...The Gay, Black, Mormon

A gay guy, a black guy, and a Mormon walk into a bar…but only one person entered: Me. (Insert rimshot here)

Maybe I should clarify for you all I am gay, I is am black, and I was Mormon (phew, now I only have two competing identities to deal with.) You'll notice my oh so clever pseudonym: The Contrary Gay. I have more stereotypes attached to me than close friends...(can I get another rimshot?)

We constantly form stereotypes to quickly understand and wrap our head around something. Whether it is religion, gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, political affiliation, etc. stereotypes are our template to consolidate features common to that group. But what happens if more than one of these categories clash?! What if some stereotypes do not play nice with others...eek!

Take me for example:
1. I am a dude…simple enough.
2. I am gay...oops! Now things start to get more interesting.
3. I am black...wait can you be gay and black at the same time? I can imagine this is like dividing by zero to a computer: "Does not compute...Error...$%&#@*!!!"
4. I was Mormon til about the time I was 18...(thank you college) Commence system overload and subsequent meltdown...the computer crashes.

All I am trying to say is that preconceptions follow each stereotype and sometimes they don't always fit. In fact these often do not match up, which I can tell you is stressful! You constantly ask yourself: What is 'normal?' and why am I not it? These competing stereotypes force the subject of scrutiny out of whatever neat little box whoever is passing judgment is trying to put them in.

When someone judges you they go about it a few different ways:

The ideal is what I call: Reconciliation. The judger simply expands their thinking to include the new information.

The next is: the Shutdown. This is where the judger cannot accept the situation, but does not take any action. They choose to ignore the anomaly, what they do not like or understand, and choose to focus on what they do. They shove the judgee into the box that fits best and leaves it at that.

The third is: the Attack. The judger is so attached to this system of categorizing and labeling so much that if threatened they lash out.

Intersectionality is a term that academics throw out when talking about identity. Whole studies are devoted to the notion that identity is not black and white (oops! poor choice of words in a post on stereotypes) a vacuum, and that many factors lead to one’s personal experience. I can say that is true for me and I am proud of the many communities I can claim an identity to.

But enough about me. Let's talk about this blog!

For this blog I am going to focus on issues surrounding the gay community including religion, representation in the media, as well as legal rights. It is the fear of what we do not understand or what we do not like that is so powerful and leads people to monstrous extremes and I hope to break the stereotypes that people make and participate in. This active ignorance goes on far too much as such films as Milk, and Brokeback Mountain have shown us. Or, even more troubling, real life examples like Matthew Shepard.

Even One Million Moms, though far from killing anyone, has made it a mission to attack all positive representations of gay people in the community. From Glee to a simple JC Penny or Gap ad,

they make sure their displeasure is noted and broadcast to the world. I am going to use my own voice to add to those in favor of progress in the gay community. I will look at the progress we have already made and the battles still to be fought. I hope that at least a few people will think about these questions I’ve raised. Why are we so determined to place three dimensional, living people into simple categories?

So for now I just wanted to say hello! Til next time all you gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgendered peeps, and yes all you allies fighting alongside us for equality and the simple right to love who we want! I think there's a song that says it all: