I lived on an all male floor my freshman year in college and I made a firm decision: I wouldn't announce my sexuality to my floor mates on my own, however if any of them asked I decided I would tell the truth. It's college I wanted to finally become the person I wanted to be, gayness and all...problem! No one ever asked me…
Today I wanted to focus on social situations and how to handle them, cause clearly that was a fail.
Though I'm sure they noticed my higher-than-is-normal-for-a-guy voice, my love of both Julia Roberts and Kelly Clarkson, they never said anything and neither did I. It wasn't until the day before we all moved out for summer that somebody asked…
Here's the thing: that's when they told me they had been wondering all year long if I was gay or not.
So here is the question: If gay people don't feel comfortable announcing their sexuality like it's their favorite color, and straight people are too uncomfortable to ask, then how do you bring it up in casual conversation?
Let's examine both points of view:
Let's assume they are comfortable with their sexuality and have started the coming out process, their friends know and everything's cool. Then they go to a new place, which means new people that don't know you…the proverbial square one. Now I have to find some way to bring it up, but I don't want to be 'the gay guy' I have many other interesting qualities (you haven't met me so I guess you're gonna have to take my word for it). This is where labels and stereotypes get tricky. Yeah I'm gay, but my favorite movie is The Devil Wears Prada and I don't drink coffee (that's the ex-mormon side coming out) don't you want to know all of that too? That is exactly why I don't wear a stamp on my forehead or greet everyone with "Hey nice to meet you. I'm gay. What's up with you?"
They arrive at college living on a floor with a bunch of other dudes from all over and they meet someone who is a little different. Their voice is not as deep as everyone else's, they walk with a little more swing in the hips, and to top it off they have a shrine to Beyonce' in their dorm room. Picking up on these queues they have gone ahead and labeled them as gay…But how to proceed? You can't just ask someone if they're gay. What if they're not? What if they're in the closet? It's not politically correct to blurt something like that out? What if? What if? What if?…
This is a situation I clearly have not mastered, but I want to know if any of y'all have been on either side of this awkward situation. It unfortunately shows that as comfortable with yourself as you can be and as open to other people's sexuality as people can be there is still a taboo or apprehension with being gay or the subject of homosexuality.
Here is the dilemma:
The gay person has the right to self-disclose because it is such a personal issue. So does this mean that the other person should wait until they are told?
However it is the other person who is going to react to the news in some way, which puts pressure on the person who is gay. So is it the other person's job to make the person feel comfortable about saying anything in the first place?
So I throw it back to you all how are gay people supposed to be themselves socially and publicly without announcing it to the world? and should straight people feel uncomfortable just asking? Whose responsibility is it to start these conversations so that a year doesn't go by without really getting to know someone? Is being politically correct even helpful if we are afraid to talk about these things?
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