Voicing the Question

I'm a big fan of questions…as stereotypical as a gay theatre student is...that's all they teach you. Question everything, never stop questioning, why did you do this? What does this mean in terms of humanity?

You never have to answer these questions, all you need to bring to the table is an unceasing curiosity.

The only way to make it through life as far as I'm concerned is with curiosity (even though it killed the cat). How boring would the world be if everything was finite and so easily quantified.

So when I read, "Confronting What We Don't Know" by JonJon I recognized immediately his own curiosity on the subject. Starting off with rhetorical questions, he allows his readers to wonder with him as he explores the ongoing dilemma that gay members of the Church face.

"Have you ever stopped to consider the enormity of what you don’t know?  Or what about the things that you don’t even know you don’t know?  Overwhelming, right?  There’s a certain amount of comfort that comes with believing I know much more than I actually do, in being able to wrap difficult and complex issues up into neat and tidy little packages."

He has a much softer voice than many of the other blogs I've read on the topic. I think leading with these questions helps temper his argument by admitting he doesn't have an answer. Now the audience can relax and form their own opinion even as he gives them his own. I've made similar claims when talking about stereotypes and the lengths people go to label other people.

He also uses 'I,' which puts less pressure on the reader, making it less accusatory. He shares his own guilt with us, disarming us and allowing us a real moment of self reflection. He also answers his own question with a question. This choice in structure mirrors the content as he talks about the complex nature of the topic. There are no answers only more questions. From this introduction he uses this inquisitive voice to ease us into the main subject of the blog: we have to approach the conversation surrounding homosexuality and spirituality with a sense of "openness, patience, humility, courage, and thoughtfulness."

I couldn't agree more and I think this post delivers on that. Using quotes to guide the argument along he creates a conversation rather than attacking the Church shouting and yelling as so many people have done. Choosing the water puts out the fire technique rather than the other cliche.

"As you can see, the questions begin to mount.  I know, I know, just put them on a shelf and trust in God.  How long is that a viable and effective strategy though?  What are we missing out on by not allowing ourselves to wrestle with these questions?  Can we expect God to just hand us the answers if we’re not willing to wrestle with these questions ourselves and together?"

Much like the intro he has a recurring love affair with the open question. Here however the voice shifts as he anticipates the answers to the questions. Here by the simple "I know I know" he shows the audience that he is aware of the counterarguments out there. He knows the Mormon way because he knows the culture. So this phrase operates on several levels: establishing his expertise and giving the opportunity to respond to his opposition.

He anticipates and then challenges. I think this shows a stronger voice than he uses, which effectively forces the audience to react to the shift. Now it is up to them to answer these questions individually. He urges us all to actively engage with doctrine, scripture, even calling on the individuals living through these, as he says, "Seemingly dissonant identities" to consider things with an open mind as well.

That Moment in a Bookstore

Ever have that moment where you're in a bookstore and as you peruse the aisles you see something that catches your eye…as you reach for it, out of nowhere, someone else reaches for the same book?

It is a moment of connection- of clarity- you both were drawn to the same conclusion or inspired by the same thought and for a moment there some recognition passes between you.

This is not that…

This is more of a one way experience on my end as I read up on some other blogs I follow. As a gay ex-Mormon I find that I occupy a narrow sliver of society so when I find people that have gone through the same experience it gives me a sense of solidarity.

So I'm giving a huge shoutout to Jonathan Adamson who writes the blog "In These Gay Mormon Shoes"

Now our styles are very different, but I agree with most of his arguments and hope he would to some of the arguments I've made in some of these posts. His experience as a BYU student makes him much more credible than I, rejecting my acceptance to BYU and going off to a secular university in a major liberal city. Dedicating the entire blog to the specific issue of growing up Mormon while coming to terms with being gay, he provides both personal and critical commentary on the state of both communities and the evolving dialectic between them.

For instance one post puts forth a simple question to talk about bias and how society perpetuates injustice. He takes the edge off by including himself as well as directly addressing the reader…but the question remains:

"Pretend we lived in a world where gays were treated equally. People's sexual orientation was of no interest to anyone and no one expected another person to be one way or the other and wasn't surprised or shocked one way or the other. Everyone had equal rights and equal representation. It was not a social taboo. Someone telling another person that they were gay was equivalent to telling him/her that their favorite color was green. In other words, there is no added stress or pain or discomfort to a person's life if he/she were gay.
    1.    Would you want your child to be straight or gay? Why/ Why not?"

As he says, the only right answer is: it doesn't matter…but how often is that answer given these days.

But again the effectiveness of the post, at least for me, is the desire to intrigue rather than to attack. Although he has his fair share of argumentative posts, he remains analytical (to the extent that anyone can on an issue that hits so close to home). He decisively organizes his posts so readers know when to expect opinion, and when to expect argument.

Always topical, his posts still manage to cover a variety o topics from the intricacies of dating in the gay community to talks given by General Authorities (Church leaders for those of you unfamiliar with Mormonism).   He also recognizes a journey, the one he went on, the one the gay community is going, where Mormonism is headed, and where his audience may be on their journey. His attention to the readership makes his blog more dynamic as he reads and responds to the comments he receives, changing the rhetoric where he sees fit or perhaps even more boldly defending his position when he disagrees. Point is the readers are listened to.

Since I am writing on similar topics I found his experiences to be really helpful as I continue in my own development, I do differ in the subject matter. I spoke on a lot of topics before getting to the heart of my blog and I kind of like that, but expect me to refer to him from time to time because of all the blogs I've seen on this topic he has the clearest objective, which happens to be the same as mine: equality for the gay community.

As he says in one post: "I will always have my past. Mormonism will always be a part of me. I was raised in the church. Of course it will continue to influence how I think and how I approach ideas of deity and spirituality. I will still carry the fond memories in the church with me as well as the bad ones. But I will no longer be a Mormon. I suppose I will be an ex-Mormon... although ex sounds so harsh. I will be previously Mormon. ;)"

Go read his blog I guarantee you one of two things: you will change your perspective on these issues, or you will at least begin to understand them a little better.

What is Normal?

Oh what a beautiful morning!

So today I want to focus on an awesome resource I have recently started using. Now, I'm new to the world of social media… blogging, the plethora of social networking sites, and the new-ish trend of social bookmarking are all Greek to me.

Facebook is the one thing I mastered… Who would have guessed?

Anyway the last of these, Social Bookmarking is what I want to talk about today. Because this blog is dedicated to the homosexual community and current trends within it, I am always looking for articles and news stories that interest me. So social bookmarking is actually helpful.

I was just introduced to Diigo and it's an amazing resource… even if I don't understand it.

My searches are easier, the articles are more diverse, and you can find people that are interested in similar issues. While searching I found a few people that were tagging a bunch of sites on the Mormon community and some of them dealt with their stance on gay people and their reputation in the media.

One person, Aimee R, pays particular attention to Mormons and (given my Mormon background) I found these articles fascinating with some of her tags mention homosexuality. They can definitely be applied in a discussion about the Mormon community and their reputation on this issue. So as I continue my exploration of this complicated relationship between the Mormon Church and their gays members, I will definitely be using this site. And hopefully my social bookmarking soulmate can help me out… too bad she hasn't posted in two years :(

Point is… technology (whether I understand it or not) has allowed us all to participate and observe the public discourse on topics from who was wearing what at the Oscars to the upcoming election and the Presidential Debates.

I will continue looking for articles and when I find interesting ones I will point them out to you all and you can do the same! Together we can keep the conversation going and continue to expand and add to it. I have a feeling we have a long way to go before equality is reached, therefore the articles and news stories will keep on coming. I look forward to the day when this is old news and two boyfriends can have a date without people staring… It's weird! (Not to mention completely kills the mood).

I always like to leave with something interesting, so today I'll leave you with this message:

We need to redefine normal so that people who don't fit in aren't left behind. By changing the norm more people will be included and won't feel so isolated in their own experience. If starting this blog has taught me anything it's that you can always find a community to participate in, their are always resources to take advantage of. For me it really did get better!

I don't want anyone to be cast out of society (gimme time I may think of a few people), so let's all let each other have a fair shot at life, the way we wanna live to live it, and love the people we choose.

Does it Really Get Better?

So last time I left you with this video and I am overwhelmed by the number of comments you guys left. It really gave me nothing a lot to think about.

But anywho, as promised, I want to discuss this video a little more and show how while I'm sure it was made with the best intentions, doesn't really inspire hope so much as despair.

                              

The fundamental issue being that while Mormons individually can make the choice to accept their family members, colleagues, friends that are gay…the Church hasn't changed its tune.

How can it get better if there is no change in official doctrine?

The only reason gays received such negative public opinions from the Mormon community in the first place was because of the Church's teachings.

Now that public opinion has changed this can only go so far.

I want to point your attention to a few places in this video to show what I think their problems are, how they could help themselves gain more respect in the gay community, and most importantly actually help people dealing with these difficult situations:

1. "You don't know me, but I think I know you"

No…you don't. Just because you have a son that's gay doesn't mean you know all the gay people on the planet (there are quite a few of us). Advice: stick to your situation, why isn't that good enough? I think sharing this story is brave and may be inspirational to people out there, but that is for them to decide. Your son can't speak for all of us and you cannot speak for all the parents out there.

2. "My son was such a perfect child"

Now this is just unfortunate on so many levels. This woman comes off as insensitive and alienates the audience. They need to be careful if they actually want to communicate a message of hope, this was not the way to go.

3. "I don't know what it feels like to be gay…I'm straight"

Why is this even in here?! With all these interviews they chose this clip?! This quote has been taken out of context and does nothing to support the overall objective: to make people feel better. This is supposed to be about the people who are going through tough times, how is him being straight helpful? Remember I am the focus (as usual), the audience, me…over here!!!

4. "I grew up where people told me that being gay was wrong and it was a sin"

This will be quick…it's still a sin according to the official organized Mormon Church. Notice how they cut there, mid-thought just when we were waiting to hear that she was no longer told that, but nothing has changed.

5. "I told a coworker if a gay ever came onto me I'd punch him. Now you know what I would do? I'd probably hug him."

Would you really?! If a girl came up to me I would probably say something to the effect of, "I don't play for your team, sorry, move on!" If you're not into it, it's ok to politely decline. None of this oversympathizing (yes I made up a word) we don't need special attention, we need to be treated like normal human beings. Thanks for trying, next!

6. "Society is moving in your direction"

Yes we know and we so appreciate your attempts to catch up, but you're a little late (Prop 8 ring any bells?). We know society is becoming more receptive and understanding of our community, but that isn't the fundamental issue here. There were people who accepted gays before this video, the problem is that people who are both Mormon and gay are still considered to be living in sin if they pursue any kind of same-sex relationship. That is the source of all the pain and anger among this demographic.

The Church needs to step in, not the members, to embrace these youth who are struggling and hurting. Tell them It Gets Better cause until the Church changes their religious doctrine they are condemning gays to a lifetime of loneliness or a lifetime of lies and deceit.